hey
so yah
i think im over it
course i still think bout it everyonce in a while
but i dont cry about it
im forcing myself to get over it
cuz im being gay and pathetic
one ofm y best friends has moved away for like... ever
which really sux
but i dontkow
k i gtg
later gater
muah
maya

hey
so yah
tmrws my bday party
i was gona make it nxt week b/c my mom was al i cant help u balblalba my bk hurts blalba then im like noo
and my bro went from being hte best brother to a fuckin asshole in an hour
he was like so nice and liek dont worry and so il bbq for u blabla and we'll go grocery shopin then hes all uhave to apologize to dad im not takin u till u do, and htats hwere he became an asshole i did an dhes all no yu didnt and im all yes i did u can go call him and ask him and hes liekf ine but im not taking u till i go workout and imliek how long u workin out for and hes all doesnt matter and im liek can u just tell me... an dhes all 2 hrs and im liek ok im goin shoping first and hes all no and FUCKHES SUCH AN ASSHOLE omg! it was so hard to say sorry to my dad cuz he was doin the same hting as 'he' did and it was liek i had to apologize to "him", it was just really hard, an dno body understaood why it ws and i couldnt tell them
omg i miss him so much
i think im in love
if i wasnt hten why wud i think bout him so much
even tho its been liek what.. more hten 4 months since we've talked?
its just screwd up
and im so embarased
cuz i know he doesnt feel the same way
b/c if he did
hten he would have made some reply to all hte attempts i made to talk to him
im so pathetic
i want to tell him how if eel
but i cant take that risk
i cant
hes made me cry so much
omg
it sux
i want him
:(
i compare all guys to him
and i dont want to look at them
and i dont know if i can ever have a bf cuz i alwaysthink of him and im all... hows he gona feel when he sees me with him?
and its gay
cuz i dont think he gives a flyin peice of crap bout me
so he prob wouldnt care
but some part of mestill wants tot hink he cares
omg im so pathetic
i hope nobody ever reads this :|
kk later
luv ya
maya

yah so
schools over
kinda sux to end it w/o him
but u know
i hate what hes done
im always really happy
esp when im with my friends
they rock
darryl, david, annie,janice, dorohtea, rebecca, tim
they make me smile and feel great when im around them
but i go home and ussualy i can only think about him
ugh
ia hte him for that
like its not like im pathetic and think of him 24/7 but
like say im listning to a song, it will ussualy remind me of him,a nd itl make me sad or w.e
or well a LOT of stuff remind me of him god
a LOT of stuff
i wana like just find out of hte whole 'ex'-gf thing is tru, cuz to me he said they broke up, but apparantly he 'cheated' on me, i really wana know the truth.. from HIM and i have a plan but i dont think he'l talk to me
but im gona try even tho i kno im gona regret it right when i do it
but a small part of me thinks he cares a little, not a lot, a little, enuf to either lie to me or tell me the truth, at least care enuf not to ignore my request
il tell u how it goes for now
i have to watch star wars lolol :P
kk lates !!
hope i have a good summer ;)
later babes muah
xxooxoxo
maya